Week Five
Last Week: 2-1-0 (getting there)
Season: 6-4-2
I really have nothing to say this week if you can believe that. I’ve been sick for over a week now and you know life is dull when the highlight of the week is getting Disc Seven, Season Two of Enterprise from Netflix. Did I mention my life is boring yet? Vulcans have more active sex lives than me. I need about two weeks on Orion, er, in Vegas. That’s where the interactive thing at the Hilton is. Really. Instead of telepathy with Emma the Dog this week I’ve just consulted with Smokey the Cat, house pet of the Round Table's Pizza Chris (not Pizza Chris of Round Table, get it straight). And no mind meld either, just NyQuil and spinning in my chair twenty times, Smokey gave me three rock solid picks and then told me to chase CK-1 with a steak knife. I'm not sure why but I'll do it.
Chicago @ Green Bay -3
Isn’t Northwestern in Chicago? And the Cubs? All this losing is going to kill the city’s hopes for the 2016 Olympic Games. The good news is Marion Jones is now available to QB the Bears now. If I had to make a Star Trek analogy to the Bears it would be their fans are like Spock & the gang in the fourth movie since both travel back in time to 1985. Of course the Enterprise did it once to fetch some whales, the Bear fans do it every Sunday to wish for The Fridge. Meanwhile, Favre has basically become the Shattner of the NFL, a career that never seems to end although the Packer QB is in a different universe in the humble department.
Nick’s Pick: PACKERS
Seattle +5 ½ @ Pittsburgh
I’m still bitter. Steeler fans are like the fricking Borg. There are a billion of them and none of them can say why or how they got that way. I swear the Rooneys fly around the universe in a cube assimilating jackholes who think Allentown is where the Seahawks owner lives. The difference is Roethlisberger’s peeps are pretty easy to resist.
Nick’s Pick: SEAHAWKS (whose fans are Andorians because they (we/I) are 1. all blue and 2. kind of paranoid).
MNF: Dallas -10 @ Buffalo
I believe Q is controlling Romo because he can’t possibly be that good. Either way I’m betting on him. Dallas is so hot right now Jerry Jones is going to declare them The Milky Way’s Team. Gag. As for Buffalo, they should be wearing red shirts because theys be dead by the end of the show, yall. AHHHHHH IT’S A CLIFFORD KAY MIND CONTROL BEAM! HELP ME!!!!! I WANT TO DANCE WITH EMMITT SMITH. I WANT FOUR NEW TIRES! I WANT TO MAKE FAKE CROWD NOISE AT THE VILLAGE!!! WADE PHILLIPS IS A GENIUS!!! HAPPY TRAILS MR. HATCHER and Drew Bledsoe. T.O WINS A FREE DESSERT FROM THE KING’S DINER! HELP ME!!!!
Nick’s Pick: COWBOYS
Odds based on lines from Yahoo Sports
Last Week: 2-1-0 (getting there)
Season: 6-4-2
I really have nothing to say this week if you can believe that. I’ve been sick for over a week now and you know life is dull when the highlight of the week is getting Disc Seven, Season Two of Enterprise from Netflix. Did I mention my life is boring yet? Vulcans have more active sex lives than me. I need about two weeks on Orion, er, in Vegas. That’s where the interactive thing at the Hilton is. Really. Instead of telepathy with Emma the Dog this week I’ve just consulted with Smokey the Cat, house pet of the Round Table's Pizza Chris (not Pizza Chris of Round Table, get it straight). And no mind meld either, just NyQuil and spinning in my chair twenty times, Smokey gave me three rock solid picks and then told me to chase CK-1 with a steak knife. I'm not sure why but I'll do it.
Chicago @ Green Bay -3
Isn’t Northwestern in Chicago? And the Cubs? All this losing is going to kill the city’s hopes for the 2016 Olympic Games. The good news is Marion Jones is now available to QB the Bears now. If I had to make a Star Trek analogy to the Bears it would be their fans are like Spock & the gang in the fourth movie since both travel back in time to 1985. Of course the Enterprise did it once to fetch some whales, the Bear fans do it every Sunday to wish for The Fridge. Meanwhile, Favre has basically become the Shattner of the NFL, a career that never seems to end although the Packer QB is in a different universe in the humble department.
Nick’s Pick: PACKERS
Seattle +5 ½ @ Pittsburgh
I’m still bitter. Steeler fans are like the fricking Borg. There are a billion of them and none of them can say why or how they got that way. I swear the Rooneys fly around the universe in a cube assimilating jackholes who think Allentown is where the Seahawks owner lives. The difference is Roethlisberger’s peeps are pretty easy to resist.
Nick’s Pick: SEAHAWKS (whose fans are Andorians because they (we/I) are 1. all blue and 2. kind of paranoid).
MNF: Dallas -10 @ Buffalo
I believe Q is controlling Romo because he can’t possibly be that good. Either way I’m betting on him. Dallas is so hot right now Jerry Jones is going to declare them The Milky Way’s Team. Gag. As for Buffalo, they should be wearing red shirts because theys be dead by the end of the show, yall. AHHHHHH IT’S A CLIFFORD KAY MIND CONTROL BEAM! HELP ME!!!!! I WANT TO DANCE WITH EMMITT SMITH. I WANT FOUR NEW TIRES! I WANT TO MAKE FAKE CROWD NOISE AT THE VILLAGE!!! WADE PHILLIPS IS A GENIUS!!! HAPPY TRAILS MR. HATCHER and Drew Bledsoe. T.O WINS A FREE DESSERT FROM THE KING’S DINER! HELP ME!!!!
Nick’s Pick: COWBOYS
Odds based on lines from Yahoo Sports
